self pity

The self pity is the compassion than a person feels towards herself. Compassion, meanwhile, is a feeling of tenderness and sorrow that arises in the face of an adverse situation.

He who has self-pity, then, experiences pain itself. This usually occurs when the subject do not accept adversity or believe that they will not be able to adapt and overcome it.

He who registers self-pity thinks it is a victim. That is why he is convinced that he deserves understanding, mercy or condolences. This feeling does not contribute to overcoming problems, but generates the opposite effect: by feeling sorry for himself and assuming that he must be understood and supported, the individual adopts a passive position.

It is important to keep in mind, however, that self-pity is not always negative. It is, at first, a normal reaction to stress, since it makes a human being pay attention to what is happening to him.

Therefore, if self-pity is temporary, it is not intrinsically bad. The key is that then give way to the decision to modify or, if this is not possible, accept the stressful or causing situation pain.

Self-pity becomes dangerous when combined with a self-esteem short. If someone does not trust their own abilities and skills and feels sorry for their reality, they victimize themselves and blame others or fate for their difficulties or failures. In addition, he never manages to detect the positive and suffers from demotivation.

Since it is a kind of defense mechanism that appears before the anguish, if it is channeled in the right way, it can be the starting point of healing. However, if it is fed, it can become an extremely heavy burden that prevents us from moving forward.

As with any problem, the first step in resolving self-pity is assume its existence. It usually happens that someone accuses us of having this attitude, of feeling sorry for ourselves or of blaming others for our failures. This can be very hard to face and much harder to accept. However, if we don't, we will never get out of the loop.

Perhaps the worst thing about not facing our own responsibility is that we close the door to solve that problem that hurts us so much. Saying "I'm being self-pitying" doesn't benefit anyone as much as ourselves; We do not do it to please those who accuse us of it or to win an argument, but to regain control over our own life and feel again full.

One of the greatest difficulties in dealing with this problem is the lack of formality with which it is approached, since it is not considered a disease or a personality disorder. Rather, people often call it a whim, or the result of an unwillingness to take responsibility. In other words, there is no therapy or self-help group to let go of self-pity, rather it is a challenge that we must overcome on our own.

Once we assume the presence of self-pity, therefore, we can move on to adopt a relatively remote perspective to try to understand its root. It's very easy to repeat "I feel bad" or "It's your fault," but not so much to explain "why." The normal thing is that the manifestation of discomfort is not directly related to it, as it happens when the stomach tells us that we are hungry. To find the source of the problem we must reflect, know ourselves better and propose to change our decisions for others if we see that the old ones inevitably lead us to the failure.