How to manage anger? 10 effective tips

Emotions are psychological states, generally intense and brief, in which physiological, cognitive and behavioral processes come into play that are closely related to our adaptation to the environment. Human beings have a wide repertoire of emotions, the most basic of which are surprise, sadness, contempt, fear, anger, joy and disgust.

Different emotions are usually classified as good or bad, however this is a mistake. Although there are pleasant and unpleasant emotions, they are all equally necessary, since each one of them fulfills a function. Ignoring or repressing those less pleasant emotions is counterproductive and can be very detrimental to our psychological well-being.

What exactly is anger?

Particularly, anger is an emotion of great adaptive importance, as it allows us to respond to threats from the environment. This emotional state can vary in intensity, but it always brings about a series of physiological changes. When we feel anger our heart beats faster, we tense our muscles and blood pressure increases. In addition, they increase the levels of hormones such as adrenaline and norepinephrine.

This emotional state that we call anger can appear before situations, people and even thoughts or memories. In most cases, anger is a healthy and normal emotion when it is present in moderate form. However, there are those who experience disproportionate anger that gets out of control and leads to episodes of great aggression. This is harmful not only to the individual himself, but also to the people around him.

A) Yes, anger is an emotional state that must be channeled and controlled within limits that allow us to comply with social norms and maintain healthy relationships with others. Learning to manage this emotion is crucial to maintaining a good quality of life. The stressors that trigger it will still be there, but the way you respond to them can be softened with the right guidelines.

Managing anger has nothing to do with suppressing it. From childhood we are taught that this emotion is negative and therefore must be hidden or ignored. However, this can be just as damaging as uncontrollably expelling it outside. The key is to channel it in a constructive way that does not hurt yourself or others. If you are interested in knowing more about this emotion and how to manage it effectively, read on, because here we will leave you some useful tips.

How can I control anger?

Next, we are going to go over some effective tips to properly manage anger.

1. Think for a few seconds before acting

When anger invades us, we often act prisoners of the impulse of the moment. Try to do the exercise of count to 10 before acting in situations that irritate or annoy you. With this simple guideline, you can buy time to sort out what you want to say and respond in a non-aggressive way to the other.

2. Learn to be assertive

One of the best allies when it comes to managing anger is assertiveness. Learning to be assertive is essential to defend our rights and needs in a respectful and aggressive way.. Some steps to be assertive are as follows:

• Start by practicing in simple situations. For example, if you are deciding where to eat with your friends, try to give your opinion and indicate that you do not like the place that has been chosen and you prefer to propose a different one.
• Learn to say NO. Often times, we are taught to be complacent and say yes when we really don't want to. Learning to say NO can give us a lot of peace of mind, because when we accept things that we do not want that increases our inner anger.
• Don't beat around the bush. It is essential that you be direct and clear when you talk about what you think or want.
• Use “me” messages. Whenever you talk about something that bothers or hurts you, do so in the first person. Instead of attacking the other ("You are inconsiderate, you do not collaborate at home"), you can assertively defend your rights ("I ask you please to collaborate more at home and do your homework").
• Don't apologize later. Expressing what you want or feel is not bad, it is a necessity.
• Always keep your body language and tone of voice calm but firm. You don't need to yell, but you shouldn't speak too softly either.

3. Practice exercise

Physical activity is a very helpful tool to relieve stress. Playing sports regularly will help you to be calmer and, therefore, it will be more difficult for you to get angry at anything. Try going for a walk or a run, or find any physical activity that you enjoy.

4. Relativize and solve problems

When we feel angry, we usually focus on the situation that made us angry. However, many times these are not very important and our reaction has been disproportionate. It is important to learn to relativize and give fair value to those annoying little things from day to day. For those problems that are more important, come up with a list of possible solutions and weigh their pros and cons.

Resolving those issues that drive you crazy and ignoring the less important ones will give you peace of mind. Remember, ongoing anger is not productive. If something has angered you once, it doesn't have to be repeated.

5. Rest

Although it may seem very obvious, rest is a fundamental requirement to feel good. Not getting enough rest leads us to be tired and much more irritable. If we don't get enough sleep, it is more likely that even the smallest nonsense will make us jump against others. In addition to sleeping, it is also interesting that you dedicate some time a day to yourself, which allows you to disconnect and relax. You can listen to music, read a book, or take a walk.

6. Train your sense of humor (sarcasm is not worth it)

In times of tension, especially when it seems that everything is going against us, using a sense of humor can be highly therapeutic. When facing scenarios that make you angry, try to deal with them from humor and lower your expectations of how things should be. Laughing helps us to relativize and reduce weight to situations, making it a good antidote to anger. Nevertheless, humor should never be sarcastic. This will have the opposite effect and can hurt others.

7. Ask for help

It is natural that sometimes we feel that we cannot cope with everything. In these stages we can be more irritable than normal and sometimes it is not enough to take care of ourselves and we need to go to a professional. Knowing how to recognize that we need support is an achievement, so if this is your case, do not hesitate and go to therapy. Your psychology professional can help you manage anger and rage effectively, will teach you to identify those situations that affect you the most and will give you guidelines to better respond to them.

8. Avoid situations and people that harm you

Although assertiveness is very useful in many cases, sometimes the only effective solution is to get away from situations and people that cause us anger. If you notice that there are specific stimuli that make you feel this way, try to avoid them as much as possible.

9. Practice relaxation

Relaxation techniques can be an excellent exercise when you feel anxious and angry. Try to find a quiet place where you can sit or lie comfortably. You can start by doing abdominal breathing exercises. Put one hand on your chest and one on your belly. Inhale the air through your nose and expel it through your mouth. The goal is for you to breathe deeply by swelling your belly, not your chest.

Repeat this exercise several times and try to do it every day as part of your routine. You can carry out these exercises in silence or accompanied by pleasant music that you like. Other exercises such as yoga can also be interesting to feel more relaxed. You can also look for other activities that relax you, such as listening to music or painting.

10. Manage anger in the moment, don't accumulate

When something happens that makes us angry or indignant and we do not respond, our internal anger grows. If we adopt this dynamic as a normal part of our life, anger will accumulate and end up erupting violently towards others, either physically or verbally. Therefore, do not leave the adoption of these guidelines until tomorrow, as today is a good day to start working on them. Anger must be managed the moment it appears, not a posteriori.

Conclusions.

In this article we have talked about anger. This emotion is adaptive and normal when it manifests itself in a moderate way, as it helps us respond to threats from the environment. But nevertheless, sometimes anger can spill over into disproportionate amounts, erupting in aggressive episodes and harmful to others. For this reason, it is necessary to adopt some guidelines for its correct handling.

It is important to train skills such as assertiveness, because in this way we can show others what we want or what bothers us. Playing sports, applying a sense of humor, resting or relaxing can also be of great help. However, in some cases these guidelines will not be sufficient and professional support may be necessary.